What Some Consider a Doodle

"Oh this? I just was messing around."
I could smack him for that.

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Dance Partner

She likes her princesses. While she dances with the doll she sings, "Pincess, pincess oh you, oh, oh pincess", in a dreamy voice. And when she wears dress up shoes she comes to find me and tells me "Look! Look! I pincess" then she twirls around once and waits for my applause. When she wears her nightgown she holds it out and spins in a circle and declares she is in her princess dress. Daddy has to tell her she is a princess. She finds her princess sippy cup and slowly looks at all the scenes painted on it. She will find one of the mini princesses we got in Disney and hold it in her fist all morning, and insist on taking it to bed to nap with. I can't imagine how elated she will be in a few weeks when she can wear princess attire (a dress) almost everyday because it will be warm enough. The only downside is all the unprincess like boo boos from exposed knees .

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Knew It

Tomorrow: Rain and snow showers in the morning changing to rain showers in the afternoon. High 43F. Winds WNW at 15 to 25 mph. Chance of precip 70%.
Tomorrow night: Cloudy with rain and snow in the evening
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After the perfect weather day yesterday, I knew it couldn't sustain itself for too long. We woke up to rain and looks like tomorrow will be more of it. Oh well, at least we have the memories.


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Kids Quote Of The Day

Smell It.



Eat It.

Poop It.

The pictures and the quote have no relation to each other, I just wanted to post them both. Spring! Spring! Spring! The ice cream stores are reopening, the air is smelling Earthy and flowers are sprouting! Hope is alive

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My Shadow, And My Shadow's Shadow

Baaaad Happenings

If what I heard is correct, and I have every reason to believe it is due to the people that told me, I am very upset. There is nothing to do to change what has happened, if it has happened the way I was told, and that makes me upset. Not upset for myself personally, but for my kids. Which, is personal to me any way. What affects them, affects me. Actually, if what happened really does happen, I will probably be more angered then they will be. They are young and flexible, but I am old and rigid. I don't like this proposed change at all. I hope my sources were wrong, but deep down I know they would know the truth. I hope what has happened will unhappen before it happens, you know?

Science Fair

Tonight was Miss's science fair. She did really well, she spoke clearly and made eye contact with the judges. (A teacher and her principle.) She set up her exhibit by herself and kept redoing it so the reaction would be visible at all times. I am so proud of her, especially when I think back to being eight years old and trying to imagine myself in her place. I would have been flustered and embarrassed, especially with my principle standing right in front of me. Some of the kids had really interesting projects. You could see which ones the parents had a heavy hand in and which ones were strictly done by the kids. We came home to celebratory ice cream and listening to Eric's imagination go crazy with the things that they could have done. For example, filling a man made volcano with gun powder or using 9,000 volts of electricity for a Jacobs Ladder. Yeah, blowing up or burning down the school is not something to put on your second grade transcript.

**************Of course, the minute I turned my camera on, the batteries died. I'm ready for a new one!******************

Bunny in the Basket

She did it last year, and I would have bet against her fitting in it this year, but I would have lost. Never underestimate a baby with a mission.

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Dat Funnie

Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks.

Electricity is really just organized lightning.

George Carlin

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Today

Today was,
Getupgetmoving.Shoeshopping,bookstorebrowsing.Lunch.Nap.Sciencefairbuyingcarvacuumming
carwashingcarwipingdown.Threebathsforthreekidssnacksdrinksplayoutside.
Drivetomeetauntfordinner.Louddinnergooddinner.
Candlepartycandlesniffingcandlefactscandlegames.
Findthecat,chasethecat,leavethedamncatalone.Goodbyesandthreefallasleeponthewayhome.
Checkemailandblogaboutit.

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Crash

There is a voice in the back of my mind that is usually whispering, 'Grandma, Grandma'. I have had this voice since the day I went to the funeral home to style her hair for the last time. That day I saw her and knew she was gone and would never talk to me again. That day the voice was loud. It yelled in my brain 'NO! Grandma- hear me! I have this to say to you!' The next few days the voice was very constant as we pushed through all the death ceremony and story telling and fresh grieving. She would visit me in my sleep and I would wake up with her in front of my eyes and the voice would be angry, but as the day ended it was calmer. Then I would go to bed only to repeat the process. I don't know when I stopped dreaming of her every night, I just know when I wake up from having one of the dreams I realize it has been a while since the last one. Little things the kids do or say, or pictures they create remind me I can't share any of it with her. The voice spikes for a bit, then will go back to a whisper. I find myself avoiding things that will make the voice come alive. I avert my eyes when we drive by her house. I 'talk' to her in my head and imagine her reply instead of being mad that I can't directly speak to her. I look at her picture when I want to and prepare myself beforehand so I can control the voice. I relive scenes from the past I had with her when I'm alone so no one will see me cry. I miss her still. I think I should be healing but I don't think I am. I think people think I'm 'over it' but I'm not. Is there an acceptable time frame? Is it wrong of me to still be reeling from her death? She was old, she was sick, the doctors told us it was about to happen, yet I'm still feeling the whiplash of shock.
Imagine how the voice screamed at me, when this morning I was looking through the Baby's photo file on the computer, looking for a particular picture of her from last Easter when I came across this:




The tears came and the shock was instant. Then I was furious. Why wasn't this in the 'family' file, why in the 'baby' one? I wasn't prepared. I can't see this right now! Why?
Then I clicked on it to blow it up, and I looked really closely at her face. Her eyes look tired. Her face is flushed. She had the cancer at this moment, but no one knew it yet. Was she in pain here? Was she suffering in her silent way and forcing this pose for a lasting memento for us? I have no idea why she was up at my house this night. Were we celebrating something? Was it a birthday? Why can't I remember! I want to hear the conversation we had at the table and pick it apart. I want to lean down in this photo and wrap my left arm around her shoulder. I want to kiss her cheek.
The voice is going to be loud today.

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O' Bit Of The Irish

For the kids: steak fajitas with green rice. I loved it when, after each bite, they would declare: 'Yum! It tastes just like regular!' Did they expect it to taste like lettuce? I should have asked them.




For the man: corned beef and boiled vegetables: carrots, onions, red potatoes and cabbage. Washed down with good ole American beer. Or did I hear Bud sold off to a German company or some place? Anyway, Eric couldn't stop praising me for the one of the easiest meals ever. (Throw everything into boiling water and cook- if he only knew. I should have splattered some water on my brow and announced I needed time to myself to recuperate from slaving over the oven all day long. Next year, dammit.) It turns out his Nana used to boil cabbage all the time, made her own slaw and what have you, so I feel bad I don't do it more often. I just dislike the aroma. But such an easy side to make in exchange for happy memories for him. I will put it in my mental file folder.

(Wow, I should mention that this wasn't his serving, this was the platter I used. Goodness, he gets hungry, but not that bad!)

Happy St. Pat's everyone! Have good luck till the next!

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Cue the Twilight Zone Music

OK. Follow along with me if you can. Eric has a friend that has recently started dating a Native American. (That is the accepted term nowadays. I used to say Indians, than it was Native Americans, now this.) So, this woman is in her forties and has two teenage daughters and the only reason I'm telling you that is so you can try to picture her in your mind. She and Tim have been dating only a short while, and sometimes he calls Eric while with her so she 'knows' about us but I have no idea how thoroughly. She claims to have visions and dreams things that are... foretelling? Can't say they are actual premonitions but according to her she has a little bit of a sixth sense.
Now. Today Eric gets to work and straight away Tim tells him that his girlfriend had a dream about us last night. She dreamed that she was standing in our living room and looked out the left window and saw two of the kids were on the swing set in our yard and a black bear was watching them. Then, a mid sized brown and black dog, a bit like a German Shepard, nips at the bears heals.
?
That was her dream. Eric calls me and tells me this. I don't know if he 'believed' this or was just innocently sharing it but he was a bit moved by it. Maybe just amused. Maybe nervous? I told him that I'm sure Tim (who is a BIG talker) was describing us and the kids to her and probably even the dog. (And my dog does match that description.) I told him that most kids in the country have swing sets, and bears are around this area so how much of this whole 'dream' was fed into her either unknowingly, or created out of other information she could have very easily guessed at. I do believe that some people have a sixth sense, ESP or something, but most of the people that claim to have it are just good listeners that use what they hear in random conversations to make into a vision.
I wish she could tell me something really fun, like lotto numbers for instance.


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Monumental

This month marks a turning point for me. For us, I guess. It is this month, the age Baby is right now, that I usually become pregnant again. The last two pregnancies began in the month of March, right around this time. When Miss was 25 months old, I got pregnant with Middle. When Middle was 28 months old, I got pregnant with Baby. Now here Baby is, 28 months old and I'm not pregnant. Not only that, I won't be ever again. I am not sad. I am absolutely done having babies, and if ever there was a test to that feeling, this would be it. If I had even the tiniest bit of longing for a newborn, I think this would be the time to feel it. The 'baby' is rapidly growing therefore losing her 'babyness' and a friend of mine has a sweet little baby girl only three months old that I get to hold every week and sniff her head. And when I hand that warm little bundle back over to my friend, I am not wishing I were her. I love newborns and would continue to have them and only them, but the problem is they grow up. They start to move about and run away when you call them and eventually even talk back to you, defy you and give you many reasons to drink. I'm happy and blessed to have been able to give birth to three healthy babies and can't imagine being a mother any differently then the way it has turned out, yet, I'm completely ready for the next stage of motherhood now. They only thing holding be back from feeling like I am still in the baby stage is the fact the youngest is in diapers still. And she likes them. After she is potty trained she won't be my baby, she will be one of the big girls.

Another thing I won't be doing is posing like this anymore:



First month of pregnancy, three years ago this week.

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monumental

Middle-ism

Her: Mom, you could think outside the block. You should think outside the block like me.
Me: Hmmm. Where did you hear that?
Her: Daddy told me. He said I think outside the block.

Yes. Yes she does.

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C-A-N-D-L-E-S

Today the GS troop and I went candle making. I was a bit nervous at first because I had never been to the establishment or even ever heard of it before a couple of weeks ago, but it turned out to be fantastic. The girls got to pick out the shape of the candle and then chop up the wax colors they choose, pick out a scent and then fill the mold. They watched the lady fill the mold with some melted wax and then she placed them in water for cooling. While they cooled, we walked down by beautiful Lake George and then played in the arcade for a bit. By the time we got back our candles were cooled and ready to be bagged. We all enjoyed it, the weather was perfect and we were all in good spirits. A very nice day all around.

Pictures to follow, after my camera receives new batteries. Again.

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In My Dreams I'm There

Thanks to our little tax deductions, and the 'awesome' stimulus package we can now pay our electric bill, along with a few others. Alas, no matter how I fudge the numbers, it is still not enough to join her in Puerto Plata. I will have to live vicariously through her Facebook photos. Sigh.

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We DID Have Fun

I took the little girls and a friend of Middles' to the roller skate rink this morning for 'Preschool Play', and it was great. I used to go pretty much every week when Miss was little, but then school happened, and cold air, and another baby and I sort of forgot about the place.

For only four dollars per child, they can go in bouncy houses, roller skate or ride on bikes and big wheels. Middle tried rollerskating for the first time and really did well. She only fell twice, but the second one really hurt, she wanted them off after that second fall.

At night and weekends this place is a full on roller skate/laser tag/go cart place, but a few mornings during the school year they open up for the little ones. They even play preschool music on the big speakers. In the five years since I first went, the price has only increased by one dollar. I wish I had gone more this winter because the kids all had so much fun. I hope to remember it next winter, by then I will only have the baby to bring.

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Bucket List For Summer: Eric's Edition

And finally, last but not least, Eric is home from work and giving me his list:

1. Hiking in woods
2. Wash his truck
3. Lie -lay?- in the hammock
4. Eat dinner on the deck

He is "too tired and can't think about any more right now" he "needs time to think about it".

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Bucket List For Summer: Miss's Edition

This is me typing for Miss:

1. Go swimming
2. Have my birthday party on the beach (she delayed her party so she could do this)
3. Go fishing
4. Ride a horse (Jen? Help w/ this one?)
5. Capture salamanders
6. Get a pet toad
7. Eat fresh strawberries and watermelon
8. Jump on the trampoline
9. Hike to the creek
10. Go to outdoor craft fairs
11. Go to the county fair

I think it is funny that they both want to find salamanders! Her number four is curious to me because she is not the one for up close and personal experiences with animals. **She didn't read my or Middle's answers yet.**

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Bucket List For Summer: Middle's Edition

Me typing for Middle:

1. Ride my bike


2. Go on the swing set


3. play tag


4. swim in the river and a pool


5. Eat corn on cob (Ooohhh, I want this one too)


6. Eat watermelon on the porch


7. Go salamander hunting


8. find snails


9. go camping at a campsite


10. ice cream from Bons

I don't know about number nine, maybe if she gets invited to go with someone else like last year. I'm just not a camping- outside- with- others- in a tent- kind of girl.

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Bucket List For Summer: Rebecca's Edition

It will be here soon, it will be here soon, it will...

I repeat this to myself many times daily. Last year, around the end of August, I was rushing around trying to do all the things I had dreamed about doing last year around this time. "Hurry up kids! Finish that ice cream cone so we can go pick some wildflowers and be home in time to grill out and put the twinkle lights on the deck!" This year I'm making a four part list of things each of us would really like to do this summer. They don't have to be momentous things, but just things that are the essence of summer. Things you just can't do in January. I am going to make my list now, and will interview everyone else later today and post their lists too. (Baby will just go along this year, next year she can contribute.)

1. Ice cream for dinner
2. mini golf
3. go rollie pollie on a warm spring day down a long grassy hill
4. drink a glass of really good wine while watching the sunset
5. get up early enough to watch a sunrise while drinking a really yummy cappuccino (I miss my cappuccinos)
6. go to the Bronx Zoo (actually this needs to be done in late Spring or late Summer- not when it is too hot)
7. Lie on the trampoline with the kids at night and star gaze
8. read a completely cheesy chick book and enjoy it
9. take the kids to see the fireworks in Lake George
10. take the dog swimming
11. bury the kids in sand
12. take pictures of it all

Monday

It's Monday, that pretty much sums up everything.

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Walking

We had a beautiful warm spring-ish day today! We celebrated by going for a walk. Look at the dirty snow. Ugh. The good thing, with days like today, it will be melting quickly. I know we could in all possibility get more, but with the longer days it can't stay too long. In a month we will be in mud season, and my washer will be working over time.

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It's Melting, Mellllllting...

"Spring is when you feel like whistling even with a shoe full of slush." - Doug Larson


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Foolproof

Lost your kids? Can't keep them in one place for more then 13 seconds? Here is a foolproof way of not only keeping your kids in sight, but also, like a magnetic to a fridge, bring them to you from all the ends of the Earth. Are you ready? Take note, this is something you won't want to forget:

Lie down.

Yes folks, just lie face down on the couch and not only will your kids come running to pounce on your back, your dog will surface to lick you face, the phone will ring and the timer will chime on the oven.

But that's not all!

If you remain in this horizontal position, your kids will knead the fat on your bum! They will laugh themselves to hysterics! They will virtually glue themselves to your inert body and therefore stay out of the pantry! They will tire themselves out by using your back as a trampoline! And, your hair will be tied up like a sailors knot, giving it that sexy bedhead look you've always dreamed of.

Don't have kids? No problem!

Just lie down within 2 square miles of anyone under the age of four, and watch in amazement as kids come out of the woodwork to keep your local chiropractor in business.

Act Now!

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Random Stuff

• It's FRIDAY!
• Miss starts her after school enrichment today!
• My first book club meeting was last night...and I couldn't go!
• Eric starts overtime tomorrow, and he ain't happy.
• We won't be getting any snow today! But it is suppose to rain.
• My keyboard is NASTY, people.
• My oldest is suddenly addicted to jump roping in the dining room. She is smacking stuff off the walls and table so we are ducking and protecting our faces with our hands every time we walk by, just in case.

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First House/Old Life

This is our first house that we bought when we were living in Arkansas. We were just married, I was 22 and Eric was 24. We paid $58,900 for it, and ended up selling it for $67,000 four years later. We did absolutely nothing to it aside from new interior paint but the profit funded our move to where we are now in the Adirondacks. See that shiny red mustang? Yeah, that had to go too. We also had a white convertible mustang that was sold and my green Avenger (doesn't that name sound menacing?) was traded in for the car I'm still driving now - almost nine years later. We had three dogs together and one job each. I lived this life of wife/homeowner/fast car driver/dog keeper/career woman for almost five years before Miss was born. This block of time is tucked so far back in my brain that sometimes I get surprised when a memory flickers through my mind. I have to sit and explore it then pull out more memories to examine so I won't forget them by accident. I don't want to forget this era of my life where I felt so grown up and adult yet in actuality I was still young and naive. I have to ask Eric about a certain memory sometimes to make sure it is real, not something I dreamed up. "Did we really go to the movies every other weekend, and out to eat on a whim?" Yes we did. We would just put the top down on that white mustang and ride around, stop at 'antique' stores (really just junk shops but still fun to pick through) or stop in on a friend. That is another thing I make myself remember: friends. We had fellow couples for friends that we would go out with or invite over, we had individual friends from work that Eric might go target shoot with or I might go shopping with. I had clients that would barter with me (tax prep for hair color: win/win situation). I had a closet full of modern clothes and no credit card debt. Eric had a special edition Steve Vai guitar and a mancave. Nowadays it's hard to think back to that time. The details are fuzzy and the sheer self absorption we had is unimaginable today. To think I ran in to pay for gas and didn't have to unbuckle the seat belt of anyone but me is like a fantasy now! Not that I regret a thing, I always wanted kids. I just didn't bargain for becoming the cliche: haggard plump mom, driving old dusty car, no interests other then the kids', no girlfriends to ring up and meet with (locally, Novella), no job, pathetic wardrobe, and really no end in sight. I am reading this back and I come across as really unhappy, but that isn't the case. I wanted this, (well,not the debt or plumpness) and cannot imagine anything different now, but I find it remarkable, I guess is the word, that I was anything other then what I am right now. It is crazy the things we forget and it makes me wonder what I will end up forgetting about this stage of my life when I'm older. Will I remember the chaos of it all, the necessary planning and packing for an outing? Will I remember stuffing little arms into jackets and carseats? What about the sweet scent of a little head after it's been washed with Johnson's and Johnson's- I hope not. (I would bottle that scent if I could.) Yes, life is upside down from what it was ten years ago. We've traded sports cars for sippy cups, expensive guitars for legos and free personal time for a night of Hannah Montana. Our bank account is smaller then I could ever have imagined, yet my life is richer then I ever knew possible. The very few friends we have are real friends. The connection we have with each other and with the kids is worth all the clients I've ever dreamed of having and the memories being made is worth every ounce of extra flesh I carry around. I just hope someone remembers them.

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Little House

Song for a Little House

I'M glad our house is a little house,
Not too tall nor too wide:
I'm glad the hovering butterflies
Feel free to come inside.

Our little house is a friendly house.
It is not shy or vain;
It gossips with the talking trees,
And makes friends with the rain.

And quick leaves cast a shimmer of green
Against our whited walls,
And in the phlox, the courtious bees
Are paying duty calls.

Christopher Morley

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She's So Retro

Did you know they still make legwarmers?




She wore them to school today, where she brought a Scooby Doo puppy for show-n-tell. And here she is after we came home watching a Strawberry Shortcake movie.

Next thing you know she will be cutting the necklines out of her sweatshirts.

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Racino

This man won $141.25 yesterday.

We went to the racino (the casino at the race track - they only have machines to play, no card tables) yesterday and after paying the babysitter, fueling the car, lunch and a couple of cocktails, we only spent forty dollars. Not bad for a day out.

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