Woof!

We now have Halloween under our belts. Check one more activity off the never ending list. We had a group theme this year- 101 Dalmatians.



All handmade, except for my wig. We (my grandma and I) just dotted white sweat shirts, pants and hats with fabric paint. I attached painted socks to the hats for ears.




And I must say, we rocked the block. No one else could hold a candle to us, if I do say so myself. People would open their door and see us and call the other people in the house to 'hurry up and come see!'





This was on the ride home. We were looking a little worse for the wear at this point. Apparently, when you are two weeks away from being five, it is very hard to not scratch and rub your face when your mother has painted black spots on it. Go figure.

They got so much candy in just over an hour it is unbelievable. Cousin Melissa saves the day - again! She let us come to her house and get ready, use the potty and eat dinner. She lives in one of those neighborhoods that you see on TV shows where kids are outside playing in a picturesque scene. You know, regular houses, not spaced half a mile apart from each other, like where I live.

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Two Peas In A Pod

These two monkeys are twins born three years apart. They both love the same toys and have the same quirks (bouncing) and they look so much alike.






When Middle was Baby's age, she was just as rambunctious as Baby is now. The temper tantrums Baby throws are like living in flashbacks. The only big difference is that Middle used a pacifier, where as the baby uses her two fingers and drags a blanket every where.

These two also play the best together. They laugh at the same things and also fight over the same things. I'm telling you, they should have been twins.

But, thank goodness they weren't. I don't know if I could have handled their tantrums multiplied by two.

Or this cuteness, multiplied by two.

I could just eat them!

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The Scariest Part of Halloween:

Pumpkin guts! I mean, this face says it all,

So gooey, so stretchy, so stinky and slimy! I heard any and all words there are in the English language to describe the texture/smell of the inside of a pumpkin.

More photos over at Flickr, some of the finished products too.

Right now I have a tray of cleaned pumpkin seeds drying on the counter waiting to get roasted with some olive oil and kosher salt tomorrow. Last year I roasted a batch with salt, and a batch with a sugar and cinnamon mixture. The salted kind won out.

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We're Screwed

This was my front yard at 8 am today.





This was my yard at 4 pm today.



It is only October. That sound you hear is me crying.

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Picture Day: Part Two

Today was preschool picture day. I think the pose says it all.

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Wow!

I have sitemeter attached to my blog and I normally don't even give it much thought, but I checked the report they emailed to me this week and I have an average of 60 people a day reading here! I'm sure some of them are a couple of the same people re-checking the site looking for an update, but I doubt the 10 people I know that check me each day aren't that eager to read my words!
There are a few blogs I read each day but don't comment on so I guess I should have assumed the same thing happens here. Anyway, thanks to everyone for reading and glad you stopped by!

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More Pictures

This past Wednesday was my dads birthday, so we celebrated it yesterday. Other family was around visiting my grandma for the weekend too, so there were bonus kids and uncles hanging around. That was where the cookie pumpkin I made ended up.




Mmm, cake... dive in!

Here is Middle and my dad hanging out. She knew there was birthday cake for him, so she wasn't going to leave his side until he blew out the candles. She knows how to get first dibs.

*********************SIDE NOTE************************************

So, I don't know if it just the people in my family, or if it is a universal thing but, do closet smokers really think they are fooling anyone? I mean, there is a certain smell attached to smoke that chewing gum won't mask. When you go outside to get 'something' and come back in four minutes later empty handed and stinky, we know. When you are the first to volunteer to drive to the corner store for milk, we know. When you are the driver for a bunch of us non-smokers, we can smell your car, no matter what air freshener you hang from your mirror.

It was comical yesterday when my cousin took her boyfriend outside for I don't know what, then came in smelling like an ashtray. My mom said, "A. you smoke?!!" and she said, "Shhh, my dad doesn't know." Meanwhile, he just stepped outside to indulge himself. But he quit a couple of years ago. Yeahhhh. My sister has been 'hiding' it for years now. Like twenty years. My dad smoked forever, would quit for a while and start up again on the down low, but my mom always knew when he started again. It would be a sort of game, who would mention it first. Even my grandma, who had quit the habit but started up again after my grandfather died, thought she was pulling a fast one. (She did quit again after a several months)

So let me just tell all you 'closet' smokers- all the people around you that don't smoke- we know you smoke. Other smokers might not be able to smell the nicotine on you, but we do. Save yourself the trouble of going for a quick ride to the store, or outside to 'find' something and come clean. It will probably make your life much easier.

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Ta-Da!

My contribution to today's festivities, and a painting by Middle. Those are spiders, by the way, not stars like I thought.

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ESP, Maybe?

Miss: SEE! I told you the heat was going to come on in 3 seconds! I was RIGHT!
Middle: And remember when I said, ' I bet grandma will be home now?' And she was!?
Miss: So, we both have PBS.

Snort

She looks just like me in this picture.

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Escape

Our autumn is quickly being consumed by winter. I actually saw snowflakes this morning mixed in with the rain on my way to the store. I doesn't seem fair, this early invasion of frigid temps stealing the fresh crisp air we have had for a couple of weeks. Who am I kidding, though - I would still have felt cheated if this weather had come in late November. When it comes down to it, I don't enjoy the cold. I live in the wrong place in this world for someone that tucks herself indoors for a good five months out of the year.

When I walked out to start the car this morning, I had a thought come over me so strongly, so quickly it scared me. I imagined getting into the car, letting it warm up, and driving away. Just leaving. I imagined pulling out of the driveway, going down the road and letting instinct lead me away. Away to nowhere. I would go some where vague, and in my head my grandma would never die. If I left, I would never hear that she is gone, or anyone else I love either. My kids would be forever 7, 4, and 1. They would never have any problems other then one of them stole the other one's toy/book/stuffed animal. They would stay young and perfect, sweet and innocent. My husband would always be healthy and working and happy. If I left, nothing would have to change.

It was a feeling that lasted for two seconds, and in that instant it made absolute sense. Of course, I would never, could never do that. Just leave my kids inside waiting for me to come back in to tie shoes and zipper coats. Leave my grandma as she is leaving me. It was just a fleeting thought, a whim, a waking dream, that for those two seconds, had me living a different life - alone. If I was alone I wouldn't ever have to tell anyone goodbye, watch my babies grow up and move out, or miss someone even before they are gone. No one would care if I was around either. I would never be able to hurt anyone with my words, or deeds. When I died, no one would be affected. That is what scared me- the thought of being utterly alone. No one ever knowing about me. Or caring. Life is about saying hello, and caring about people, and watching them change and move on, and even, regrettably, saying goodbye.

As I walked back up to the house after getting the heat on in the car, I knew that I was where I needed to be. Even with this cold wind blowing through me, and my kids inside mad at one another over some such thing, I knew this was right. These leaves laid out all over kingdom come were mine. The plastic toys that were never put back the last time the kids were outside, today they were a welcome sight. This is life. Kids. Cold air. Aging. Changing. Imperfection. Dying. There is no escape from it. I cannot go hide some place from these things. No matter how many times a day I roll my eyes or take a deep breath. When I bite my tongue or turn my back on people I cannot bear to see or talk to. No matter how hard it is for me to witness wrongs being said or done, being let down by people I thought were friends, or speaking my mind when I know it will just be twisted around and used against me in the end - it is just life. These things just happen. To everyone, to some degree, but there is no real escape from it. And really, why would I want to?

The Six Greats

This was taken on Saturday. That is my grandma, obviously, holding the newest member of the family. As of right now, there are three boy and three girl great grandchildren. I own half of them!

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Halloween Hand

This is what we did at our Girl Scout meeting tonight: popcorn stuffed glove! We put a piece of candy corn for 'fingernails' and stuffed the glove with popcorn, secured with a rubber band and added a Halloween ring. The girls loved making them. We could have used small bits of Twizzlers or M&M's for the nails too. I will definitely make these next Halloween with my kids.

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Thank You

I would like to say thanks to all of you for your emails and phone calls and nice comments left here on the blog. I really appreciate all the kind words and prayers for my grandma and my family. She is still doing great, eating and sleeping and best of all, smiling and laughing at her insane family! We had a big day yesterday, three of her four kids came up and a few grand kids were there, but best of all, ALL of her six GREAT grand kids were there. The newest one is only two weeks old and he is so cute.

All the activity and fresh autumn air left my kids tired, especially the baby. She got her blanket arranged and her two fingers in place and cuddled with Duchess, my parents dog.





My uncle has a strange habit of hanging dolls. I have a vivid memory of him taking my brand new Cabbage Patch doll and putting it in a noose from the door jam just high enough so couldn't reach it. The way I screamed and cried you would have thought it was a real baby! He is disturbed, that is what I 'm trying to tell you. Now he has traumatized a whole new generation, MY kids!

I have some nice pictures of my grandma with the six greats, but I will wait a bit before sharing them. Thank you all again, and keep up the prayers: they're working!

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2000

WHOOPS! This photo was taken before we got to California. We were still in Canada, I see her neice's bib on the table!

I've been looking through some old photos lately, and look what I found- me and NT in California in the summer of 2000. I was about four months pregnant with Miss and although I wasn't viciously sick, I was always feeling bad. My luck, my first time in California, and the first time on vacation with NT and couldn't let loose! I was ready for bed at nine Pacific time, and couldn't drink! Oh well, we still had an awesome time. I remember our nasty hotel, the farmers market, almost driving into Mexico by accident on our way to the San Diego zoo, being so hungry at that steak restaurant (what was the name? it was in an episode of Sex and the City) and by the time the food arrived, I couldn't eat it. I remember Venice beach and the street performer guy who walked on glass, the Jim Morrison mural on that building, the wax museum, The Whiskey where GNR played, (we didn't go in, but we drove by it a lot!) and I remember it was the first time I saw palm trees in person. I took so many pictures of palm trees that when I got home and developed my film I thought the guy gave me 10 copies of the same photo! We had fun and we didn't even get tattooed or drunk!

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Vintage Photo

My great grandmother (Nanny), my mom, me, and my grandmother at my eighth grade graduation. Four generations.

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60 Days

So, my grandma had the stint put in yesterday which will bypass the blockage so she can eat. The doctor is saying she could go home late today or tomorrow; we are hoping for tomorrow. I can imagine how anxious she is to be back in her own home, surrounded by her things and to be able to have some privacy. I saw her briefly after the surgery and she looked really good, which doesn't surprise me. The woman has a knack for bouncing back, that I can say.
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On the flip side, I learned some more news. She apparently has cancer in her stomach, bowels, pancreas and surrounding areas. It has completely invaded her. What disturbs me the most (right now anyway) is that she was at her doctors office every 4-6 months. She always had blood work and scans and examines, yet this was able to infiltrate her body without anyone noticing. My question is, why bother going to your doctor for normal check ups? Aren't checkups for preventative care? I'm very disappointed in that. She was diligent about going for normal visits, not so much when she was sick or in pain, but she never missed a regular office visit. And here I sit, eight hours before my OB/GYN appointment, and I'm thinking strongly of cancelling. If it is going to happen, it will. I used to have a lot of faith in doctors, and I know that many are excellent, but the average doctor is busy, distracted and tired. That is not my idea of a thorough analysis.
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So we are told maybe two months. Maybe a few weeks. Let's be optimistic and say two months. Will she see snow again? Was last Christmas her last one? Will she get to say 'Happy New Year!'? Will she get to blow out birthday candles? Will she have to prepare for tax season?
What were you doing two months ago? Yeah, I can't remember either. Two months is an eternity and it is a blink of your eye. I change 360 diapers in two months. Two months from now, the baby might be potty trained. I make just two mortgage payments in sixty days, but in that same time frame I open and close my front door hundreds of times. Two months ago I was wearing shorts and using my air conditioner. Two months from now my heat will be blazing and I will be bundled in layers and not far from my coat. In two months Eric will be off of this job and on to another. In two months I will have Christmas decorations hanging everywhere.
In two months everything will be different, and nothing will have changed. It is called life, and I am not loving mine right now.


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Blogworthy

Eric told me he took a cute picture of the baby outside. I asked how cute. He said pretty cute. I asked if it was blogworthy. He said, I believe it is. He was right.

Bad News

We had a glimmer of hope yesterday, when one of my grandmother's doctors came in to tell her the biopsy they took came back negative for cancer.
Today, a very different picture was painted for us. She finally got the CAT scan they have been waiting to give her, and it turns out she is loaded with cancer. Basically, her only option is to get a stint so she can eat, and return home. She will receive hospice and get to be at home.
We are all devastated, to say the least. I can't process it really. I was with her this morning and she looked great. I did her hair and we were laughing at the kids messing around the hospital room. She looks healthier then she has in weeks, if not months. I cannot even imagine what is going through her mind right now. I want to know what she wants to do. Right now, what she wants to do, and I will try to do it with her. Drive to California? OK, I will go fill the tank. Eat some cream of potato soup? I will make it. Get drunk? I will buy the booze and indulge with her.
Needless to say, I will be spending a lot of time with her, so my posting might be sporadic and/or depressing. One thing I have discovered since I started this blog in January is, I feel better after writing about things. Whether they are good or bad or embarrassing, getting it out on my terms is a type of therapy for me. If I start revealing things that seem a bit too personal or morbid, it is for my own selfish reasons. I have said it before and I will say it again right now, this blog is a type of journal for me and when I (or the kids) read it back someday, I want it to be as honest and accurate as my feelings at the time are.
I pray right now that my grandmother feels as little pain and as much joy as possible in the next chapter of her life. I pray my family will unite to give her and each other strength. Life never seems long enough, no matter how old you are or how many things you have accomplished.

I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
Rita Rudner

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Apple Picking - Oh Man

We went to a birthday party at the apple orchard today. What a beautiful day - almost hot when we were in the sun, cloudless and no wind. Here is the mouse group on their way to fill our bag. Those trees we are hiking to were empty, so we turned around to another grove behind where I was standing for this picture.

A lot of the good ones were way up high, so Mr gave the girls a lift. He didn't give me a lift though. I wonder why?

We picked Macintosh apples today, and they were good. As you can see, so many were on the ground, it felt like such a waste! The workers come around and use the ones on the ground for making cider and other apple treats. But we stepped on and crushed so many, it made us feel a little guilty.

Today the baby started saying 'Oh Man!'. Her sippy cup fell, Oh man. She tipped a bag of apples over, Oh man! It sounds so cute to hear her say it. And, it is much better then Oh shit, like what Middle said once when she was Babys age.

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Picture Day

She knows how to work it, I'll tell you that.

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I am a bit tired and not so happy right now, but thought I would just keep everyone in the loop about my grandma. She has a tube in her nose that goes into her stomach to drain what is in there. She will need surgery, but we don't know when. Or why. The problem is the doctors tell her things when she is sedated and won't remember anything, and we are in the cold. With the HIPPA laws, it's not like you can just ask the nurse to give you any information. So, not much new tonight, I will bring Middle and Miss to see her tomorrow and hopefully that will distract her for a bit.

Update

Well, I went to the hospital this evening when Mr. got home and hung out with my grandma for a while. She is very sick and finally tomorrow the surgeon is going to do a scope to try to see where the blockage is. What he will do is, go down her throat to see what he can see. She was going to have another try at a CAT scan today, but HELLO, smart doctors and nurses, she can't keep any fluids down. How is she supposed to drink the potion for the CAT scan without tossing it back up? She is nervous, of course, but I am hopeful that when I go tomorrow evening to see her, they will have found the problem and have a course of action.

PS - I will never again be able to hear the word 'blockage' again without thinking of her. I hate the word blockage.

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My Grandma Is...

...in the hospital. She has been very sick lately and today the doctor made the decision to put her in the hospital.

Since early spring, she would occasionally get sick and think she had a stomach bug. But it would go away so fast it couldn't have been a bug. A few weeks would go by and another 'bug' would come. Over the summer the times she would get sick started coming more frequently and in the past couple of weeks I don't know if she has had anything solid stay down. She has lost at least twenty pounds, I would say, and feels nauseous all the time. She is scared to eat in case it comes back up. She has stopped going on any of her senior citizen trips and shopping days, which were the only times she really went any place.

Last week she went to the doctor and had a test done and now we know there is a 'blockage', but where the blockage is we didn't find out. Today she was supposed to drink this concoction before her CAT scan, but of course, it came back up. I'm glad, (and I think she is too) that she got admitted today. I think now there will be a solution to this awful problem and before we know it, she will be on the road to recovery.

Shhh

Sleep, baby, sleep,

Our cottage vale is deep;

The little lamb is on the green,

With woolly fleece so soft and clean

Sleep, baby, sleep,

Down where the woodbines creep;

Be always like the lamb so mild,

A kind and sweet and gentle child

Sleep, baby, sleep.

Another Biker

This week Middle mastered the art of riding a two wheel bike. She has tried all summer and for what ever reason, it clicked on Monday. Wednesday she was going even further. Today she mastered breaking instead of sticking her feet down to stop, ala Fred Flintstone.

One difference between her and Miss is, she doesn't mind messing up. She laughs at her mistakes, even boasts to people how bad she did something and then tries again. She is tenacious. She puts safety on the back burner. She has pride when she knows she did something great. She doesn't mind praise from others, even going as far as saying, "Do you really think I did good?" She works hard and sees results and puts two and two together, learning from her mistakes. I hope she keeps up that attitude as she grows up. How great to know it's OK if you flub something and then to turn around and give it another shot without dwelling on a failed attempt. I know she is my little girl of four, but I look up to her.

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Damn Mice

I woke to this mess two mornings ago. The mice are starting to resurface due to the chilly nights. The bastards tore apart a paper towel during the night and I'm sure they are making a nest some where. Ehhh! I was not happy to be bleaching out my kitchen at 6:15 in the morning, let me just say.




How did they manage to get in the center of the paper towel, that is my question. Do they climb like Spiderman, sprout wings, or jump? I need a hidden camera.

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Down on the Farm

The day loomed in front of us after Miss got on the bus early this morning. She normally gets home at three in the afternoons, but she was going to a friends house after school, so it was going to be an even longer day then usual. What to do with Middle and Baby? I really don't go any where on Tuesdays and Thursdays because they are the only days I can stay home and not miss anything important. But, I was feeling antsy, and they are always good for an adventure, so we walked down to my neighbors farm. We hadn't done it in a long time, and the girls really love to see the animals. They enjoyed themselves, I caught up with my neighbor, and they were tired and hungry when we got home. Plus, it started raining not long after we got back so we timed it perfectly.

Isn't this a funny picture of the front rabbit? He seems to be hamming it up for the camera. Either that or he wants to bite it.



I think I should invest in a hay pile. It seemed to entertain the girls for an unusually long amount of time. Plus, they learned to stick a piece of hay in their mouth and we all know how big a milestone that is in a kids life. I can't forget to enter it in the baby books.

I should probably get a cat too. They couldn't leave this one alone.
Reality is, I will not be buying hay or adopting any cats. I'm too busy worrying about heat costs for this winter. Today was the first day I really felt autumn settling in. It was windy, and chilly in the shade. Winter isn't far away. Hold me.

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Need Your Input

I was just informed by Flickr that I am nearing 200 stored photos, and after I reach that point I will have to upgrade to their pro package. If I don't, only the most recent 200 photos will be able to be viewed. It is 25 dollars a year for the pro.
What should I do people? Do you like looking back at the older stuff, or once you have viewed it, you never return to it? I'm leaving the decision in your hands so please let me know. I have until next week.
Thanks in advance,

Rebecca


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